Music Review – A Look at the Billboard Top 10 (for this week)

Ever since I started this blog, I’ve made an effort to listen to more pop music. I can’t say that I’ve necessarily enjoyed doing so, but I do enjoy the thought that I’ve at least kept an open mind in regards to what I listen to. And I will admit there have been some surprises.

Still, even though I am getting more acquainted with the genre, I can’t pretend to know what the most popular songs are, because I don’t really listen to the radio and very few of my friends listen to popular music (they’re all like me). So I instead have to turn to the Billboard Hot 100 each week to get a feel for what people are listening to. Now I realize that one must take Billboard with a grain of salt, but as of right now it’s the best I’ve got.

As part of the music review section for this blog, I’m going to make an effort to take a look at Billboard once a month or so, just to see how things are changing. Every time I do, I’ll write a blog post about it.

I’d also like to say that I have no idea how Billboard updates its list. I literally went on their site yesterday and it had a slightly different ranking. So all of this may be changing as I write this now. I have no clue.

Because of the ever-changing nature of the rankings, I’m not going to go in order. Instead, I’ll point out songs I either already know or ones I’ve just listened to for the purpose of these posts. I will comment on No. 1, though. Make no mistake.

So without further ado, let’s begin.


First thing I noticed right off the bat, and it wasn’t even at #1: KATY PERRY.

I mentioned in my Top Ten Worst Songs of 2013 post that Katy Perry has a King Midas ability to turn every single she records into a smash hit. I don’t know why. I haven’t heard a single song by Katy Perry that I ever thought was good, or even so bad it was good (well, maybe some of them are, depending on what mood I’m in). Katy Perry herself isn’t that remarkable, either – she doesn’t have much vocal ability and I doubt very seriously she contributes much to her own songs. That being said, she doesn’t irritate me quite as much as other pop stars because of her refreshing lack of pretentiousness. Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Lorde, etc….they all carry with them an air of superiority that screams LOOK AT ME. THIS IS ART.

Katy Perry doesn’t do that. Her songs and videos are unbelievably stupid, but they’re genuinely stupid. Perhaps that’s why Katy Perry gets so popular – her songs are stupid but in a way sincere.

And they NEVER LEAVE YOUR HEAD.

Maybe that’s the mad genius of Katy Perry. She’s able to record really stupid, bad songs that, once entering your head, never leave. It would certainly explain why she’s had hit after hit after hit.

Or maybe not.

Her newest song, “Dark Horse”, is so forgettable I couldn’t hum it for you if I were chained to a stake about to be burned alive. How this got to #2 (and it was #1 earlier this week!) is completely baffling to me. There is nothing memorable about this song whatsoever, and the music video just might be her stupidest yet. The music is so slow and plodding. Nobody can dance to this. HOW DID THIS GET TO #2??!!!!

I’m telling you, Katy Perry is King Midas. Soon she’s going to transform the entire world into one bad pop song. Be very afraid.


Movin’ along…hmmm, let’s see.

“All of Me” is pretty boring as far as songs go. There’s nothing in it musically interesting – familiar chords, cliché lyrics, etc. But John Legend, whoever he is, is a very good singer, so that’s something.

“Talk Dirty” is atrocious. The lyrics, such as they are, are incredibly moronic and shallow. But I can see why this song is so popular, at least for the time being – there’s something strangely, disturbingly catchy about those trumpety interludes.

“Drunk in Love” – it’s another Beyoncé song….? I feel like I should have more to say about it than that, but I don’t.

“Pompeii” – THE MUSIC VIDEO IS AN X-FILES RIPOFF! Granted, I think everything is an X-Files ripoff, but still IT’S TOTALLY A RIPOFF DID YOU SEE ALL THE DARK EYES IT LOOKED LIKE THE ALIEN VIRUS! ALSO I’M PRETTY SURE THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PEOPLE IN POMPEII.

Lorde’s “Team” is basically the exact same thing as “Royals.” I admire Lorde’s attempt to make pop music about the masses, but she might want to come up with a slightly different approach. Maybe make her music a little less pretentious. I mean, she’s how old? Seventeen?

“Counting Stars” – I have no idea what he’s talking about. His lyrics mean nothing. Makes sense, as OneRepublic is basically the exact same thing as Imagine Dragons. That band I hate.

“Say Something” – I don’t like this song. But I can’t bring myself to really hate it, either. I think there could possibly be a situation, a low moment in my life perhaps, when I’ll hear it and think, “okay, that’s a little pretty.” As long as I don’t have to watch the world’s most depressing music video ever again. Jeez.

“Timber” – Wow. This song manages to combine everything I dislike into 3 minutes and 33 seconds: country music, bad pop music, and Kesha. Way to go, guys. Way to go.


And now, here’s something positive! (I know, right?)

#1 on the charts right now: a little song by Pharrell Williams called “Happy,” and I am very pleased to say that I like this song very much. It’s upbeat, it’s positive, has interesting chords, is catchy, and generally makes me feel, well, happy. Plus, it actually sounds like thought and effort were put into both the music and the words. Pharrell Williams seems to be trying to redeem himself after collaborating with Robin Thicke on “Blurred Lines”. He released “Get Lucky” a few months later, another song I rather enjoyed, and he seems to be adopting this nostalgic funk feel. I like where this is going. Hopefully he can keep it up, and hopefully, so will the charts. If this remains at #1 for a while, I will be very…happy indeed.

Well, that’s it for now. See you next time.

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